they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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