my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize