If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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