If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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