You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
