i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
