Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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