found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
