He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
