I showed him my bush... on skype.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
