dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
