be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
