Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
