I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
