a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you would pick up someone in the library
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
