3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
