Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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