So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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