Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
