we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
