I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
