Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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