last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize