but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
