If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
