lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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