I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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