I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
