I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
