my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize