u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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