tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
