I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
