Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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