i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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