ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
