Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
