If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
