Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
