Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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