...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You ruined the universe
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
