She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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