Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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