remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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