every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
