I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
