A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
