No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
