i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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