I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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