God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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