I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
