I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
