guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize