I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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