I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
