just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
