and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
