I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
