im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
