using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
