True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
