Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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