Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
