This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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