i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
