Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
