The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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