I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm passing your future prison.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
