dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
