Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
