I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
